


A Rose For All Seasons

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3087803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Eleventh Doctor runs into past versions of himself. Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rose For All Seasons

**Author's Note:**

> Written for jiniwrites for a SS Fic. I'm not really sure what happened here. Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. Oh, for those wondering...for Eleven this takes place after Amy and Rory depart, but this is fic!Eleven so none of the River-marriage/relationship stuff happened. They were just really odd pals.

He had seen them both after he had arrived at the market place. Of course he had, how could he not? He had been aware of _their_ presence immediately upon stepping foot outside his TARDIS. And then he had promptly avoided them. Sort of. If he slunk around corners and hid in the shadows, who could blame him? He wasn't trying to be near either one of _them_.

It was her.

It was always her. It would always be her. Rose Tyler. The one bright shining light in his lifetime of darkness. Not that he didn't value his other companions. He did. But she was different. He had spent years trying to convince himself that it was luck of the draw. That she had just happened to stumbled across his path at the right place, at the right time.

Always ignore a coincidence.

Unless that coincidence was her. He refused to acknowledge the length of time since he had last seen her, even though the numbers, down to the nanosecond, were burning red hot in his mind. A constant timer that would never fade.

The Doctor had spent most of his time stalking the Rose traveling with his Tenth self, sparing only a moment for his Ninth body. The preference had nothing to do with Rose herself, she was gorgeous and a breath of fresh air either way. But the Doctor clad in leather didn't know what he had and what he was letting himself miss out on. Or rather, he did--he just refused to give in. Judging from her outfit and her hair, the youngest Rose hadn't yet figured out how she felt about the man she called the Doctor. Once she did, there would be no use in resisting. She would break down all his walls, all his barriers, with nothing more than a smile and a breathy call of his name.

With the way they whispered in each other's ear and kept their bodies in close contact, the Rose and pinstriped Doctor that were wandering between stalls had clearly crossed the line from friends into something more. So he followed them at a distance. He was close enough to catch her scent as he trailed along, sweet and floral and the heady smell of _Rose_ that was seeping into his veins and making him high. If he closed his eyes at the right moment, he could almost feel the soft pads of her fingers brushing his cheek or the ghost of her smooth lips over his.

He could simply _feel_ , emotions long buried and ignored bubbling to the surface. It was cruel joke for this body and borderline torture to taunt himself this way. Feeling. This body was born from loss and heartache. He didn't quite _feel_ things the way he used to, if he felt them at all. And certainly not to the same degree his Tenth self had. No, this him was more closed off, callous at times even. In times like this, he let himself pretend, let his walls come down. He ached for a love and a touch that he would never be privy to.

He flipped his dark hair out of his face in enough time to see Rose and his Tenth self exchange a giggling kiss. His knees gave way and he was thankful for the bench that happened to break his fall. He gasped, his hearts warring over whether they should break or be healed. Her love rushed through him, as if he had been the one she had kissed. Childish thinking on his part, he knew. Laughter and smiles he could observe from afar, unable to fully let her go. But hand holds and hugs and kisses and caresses...this body was doomed to be without.

He shook his head as he watched the couple weave around merchants and customers, eyes only for each other. That's what they had been, a couple. Even if his Tenth self would always be too stubborn to admit it. He paused, clutching his chest and recovering his breath. Not all of it was due to bull headed denial.

Fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not being _good_ enough. Fear of losing her. Fear of losing her too soon.

The poor idiot. It would be over almost as soon as it had begun. And he'd never said...never told her--

She knew. He knew she did. He regretted never telling her. But he would never regret loving her. Ever.

"Now, I can go have a talk with the stupid git," a gruff Northern voice grumbled behind him. " _What_ does he think he's doing? He can't--"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the Doctor said casually, sitting upright, as his Ninth self passed in front of him.

Black blurred as the other man whipped around, piercing blue eyes giving him a quick once over. "And I wouldn't be interrupting me if I were you, junior," he sneered. "This jacket is older than you."

"Do you always have to be so...grumpy?" The Doctor waved a hand in the air then patted the empty seat beside him. "Sit down a minute."

"Excuse me?"

"I told you to sit." The Doctor crossed one knee over the other and adjusted his bow tie, fixing his green eyes on his former self in a patronizing stare. "Still not obeying your elders?"

"Do I know you?" His Ninth self looked him over again, slower this time.

The Doctor frowned and shook his head slightly. "I never did like being told what to do."

Understanding finally bloomed on the other man's face, quickly giving way to open disgust. "Is _this_ what I turn into?"

"Rose was right," the Doctor muttered, "I'm always rude."

"Which me are you?"

"The Eleventh."

His younger self's eyes narrowed, surveying the immediate area. "Is Rose with you?"

"No," the Doctor replied hollowly, the scar on his hearts tearing open a little bit more.

"Right." His Ninth self nodded, a brief flicker of dissappointment crossing his face. He quickly composed himself, walls slamming back into place, and jerked his head behind him. "Then I'm going to assume that idiot in the suit is the Tenth. He's the one I need to talk to. Apparently my next body has a severe case of the stupids."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, do sit down and leave him alone. Let him enjoy it."

" _Enjoy_ it?! Are you daft? What he's doing is extremely dangerous. He has no business behaving in such a way. And _you_ should know better." He jabbed a finger in the Doctor's direction. His voice had gotten louder as he had ranted, his body bristling with barely contained rage. Lightening was sparking in his electric blue eyes, The Oncoming Storm in all his glory.

The Doctor had watched his Ninth self get worked up with an amused smile. That technique may work on Daleks and Cybermen and anything in between, but it wasn't going to work on him. After all, he had used it a good deal more since being in his Ninth body. He calmly smoothed his hands over his thighs, erasing wrinkles that didn't exist, then crossed his arms.

"Dangerous for who?" he asked quietly.

"For her of course!" His Ninth self shouted. "She's just an innocent girl. She deserves more than an old damaged alien like me." He snapped his mouth shut, eyes widening slightly in shock at what he'd just said out loud.

"Don't worry. You never stop feeling that way. Not entirely. But Rose has a way of being very..." the Doctor trailed off, intimate memories bursting forth from where he had locked them away, " _persuasive_."

"She could never want someone like me," his previous self muttered, his shoulders slumping. He turned and looked to where Rose and the pinstriped Doctor were still lingering, their arms looped together. "And even if she did, _that_ me looks pretty enough to cock it up."

Something about his words slammed memories into place. The vague feeling of being here before that he'd passed off once he'd caught sight of two previous incarnations wandering the same location sharpened. More specifically the _when's_ from his respective selves clicked into place with startling clarity.

"Oh!" the Doctor shouted, jumping up and slapping his hands down on the shoulders of his Ninth self. He and his Rose had just experienced a nasty run in with reapers, where he was discovering for himself just how deep his feelings for her ran. Never once thinking or hoping she would feel anything in return. His Tenth self however...

"Oh," the Doctor breathed, stumbling backwards as time lines swirled and shifted then jumped back into place, shaking and uncertain. Not good. Very not good. His Tenth self and his Rose had just come back from the parallel world. There was an acute stab of pain in his chest, knowing he would lose her twice to that bloody place. His previous body would currently be on edge--elated at the shift in their relationship yet ready to back pedal if he heard the right argument.

An argument his Ninth self was prepared to give.

"Oh," the Doctor grumbled, pointing and glowering at his Ninth body. The way his blue eyes watched him, told the Doctor that he thought he was having some sort of mental break down.

"I really hope the other one isn't as stupid as you are." His Ninth self edged away.

The Doctor's fingers yanked painfully at his hair, snapping himself back to the present.

"Bye," his Ninth regeneration called, wiggling his fingers with a plastic grin.

"Wait!" the Doctor shouted. His tone was desperate, but he didn't care. If his Ninth self was able to convince his Tenth that being with Rose in such a manner was a mistake, and the chances of that were unfortunately very likely, time lines would crumble and restructure in a way that was not pleasant. He couldn't see specifics yet, just far too many time lines that came in contact with his own ending up in dead ends when they should have gone on for much longer. "You _can't_ do this. Don't you want to be with her?"

"It's not about what I want. It's about what's best for her."

"Please," the Doctor pleaded. Time lines were redirecting before his eyes. Martha, gone. No metacrisis. Donna, gone. Jackie, gone. He clutched his chest and groaned in pain. "Don't you feel that? Can't you see? Of course you can't. You're too blinded by self righteousness. Which is rich coming from me. But can't you sense it? Even a little?"

The other him watched warily, the tiniest hesitation that stopped the time lines from changing further. Rose...her's was flashing, complete uncertainty as to what her fate would be. Even if there was a chance that she would stay with him after the crucible, the other lives lost weren't worth it. He wasn't that selfish. Ok, he was. But he knew once she had found out what he had allowed to happen she would be furious. She would leave.

"Five minutes?" the Doctor asked.

His Ninth body crossed his arms, eyeing him skeptically.

"I am _begging_ you. Just five minutes. If you're not convinced after five insignificant minutes, then you can go...argue with yourself. A different self anyway since you're arguing with me right now, and..." he laughed awkwardly, "I'm you."

"Five minutes," his previous self said sternly, coming back and seating himself on the bench.

"Right, ok." The Doctor rubbed his hands together and turned toward where his Tenth self and Rose were standing, gazing at each other. Think, think, think. What could he possibly do, or say, that would make his previous self not listent to _his_ previous self? He walked forward slowly, his limited time rapidly dwindling in his head. As he approached, Rose's laughter reached his ears. One of the most magical sounds in the entirety of time and space. His eyes flicked to his younger self, who was clearly proud of providing the source for her amusement.

Another piece, one he didn't realize he had even been missing, slid into place. He was thinking about this all wrong. He didn't have to do anything, not really. All he had to do was shove the right someone in his Ninth self's direction.

That someone was Rose Tyler.

.....

He hadn't told them who he was when he had interrupted their conversation. His former self had caught on fairly quickly, his arm tightening protectively around Rose's waist. Once the Doctor had indicated who it was essential that she go talk to, he had become no one of importance to her. She would figure it out later, he was certain, but seeing her first Doctor was like seeing a ghost. Or long lost lover. He couldn't blame her. Besides, he wanted to be gone by the time she worked out that _he_ was also the Doctor.

He only had to mumbled a barely coherent explanation about maintaining the time lines before his Tenth self had held up a hand, indicating he shut up. They had stood in awkward silence since.

"Is it worth it?"

"What?" The Doctor replied, turning to look at his previous regeneration. The one he would probably always be most jealous of. Even with the way his life would end.

His Tenth self nodded in the direction his Rose had gone, his eyes never leaving her. "Pretending to be happy."

The Doctor laughed with barely a trace of humor. "You can't lie to me. I used to be you. You're not pretending to be happy. You're pretending you have forever. Which of course you don't. Although most of the time it feels like you do." He gave a half smile when dark brown eyes met his for a millisecond. "Stay that way. Keep pretending you have forever, but cherish every moment. As for your question, I think you already know that answer."

They stood in silence for a few moments, observing the distant pair as they were clearly arguing. Both knew it was only a matter of time before their previous self would lose and give in. There would never be a regeneration that could firmly stand his ground against her. It had a great deal do with the fact that she was basically always right and refused to back down until he could see it.

"Even the heartache?" his Tenth self asked, his voice thick.

"Yes," the Doctor responded without hesitation. "Rose Tyler is more than worth it." He watched Rose and his Ninth self as long as he could bear, their arguement coming to a stop when she reached out to cup his cheek. He swallowed roughly and rocked on his heels. "You know she can't remember this."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't remember it, since I didn't remember until it was already happening. Besides, if you discuss it, you two will just agree to forget about it, together."

His Tenth self smiled fondly at Rose, eye crinkling around the corners.

Knowing his previous self would do what was needed, the Doctor snuck off. One chance encounter with Rose was more than his hearts could handle.

.....

After Rose was back in the arms of his Tenth self, the Doctor stepped out of the shadows. Back at the beginning in a sense. 

"How do you feel about it now?" the Doctor asked the back of his Ninth self, who was once again seated on the bench.

The other man stood and turned around slowly, crossing his arms. His expression was still stern but there was a lightness to his eyes that hadn't been there before. "Still not entirely convinced, but I trust her more than I trust myself. Past, present, or future."

"No need to explain, I understand completely." The Doctor smiled widely, trying to brush off the sadness swirling through veins. He was leaving her again. And still couldn't bring himself to say goodbye. He held his hands up in the air, slowly clenching them into fists, as his smile dropped. "But can I ask one thing?"

His younger self crossed his arms and arched a brow, waiting.

"What did she say to you to change your mind?"

"You don't remember?"

"Ah, no. Seems that bit is still a tad...fuzzy."

"Then it sounds like I'm not supposed to tell you."

"Why would you _not_ be allowed to tell me?" the Doctor hissed, swaying side to side as the surge in anger knocked him off balance. He paid it no mind, wasn't the first time for this body.

"Beats me," his Ninth self said with a shrug and mocking grin.

"You _have_ to tell me," the Doctor insisted.

"No. I don't. You've meddled enough for one day. I'm gonna forget this whole thing and go find my own Rose."

Before the Doctor could argue further, his previous self walked past him, bumping his shoulder roughly. He sat down on the bench with a heavy sigh, the building rage whooshing out of him. The memory was too elusive. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember what Rose had said to him.

"Why? Why can't I remember?" he muttered between clenched teeth. " _What_ did she say?"

"That you don't wake up screaming about Arcadia anymore," a soft voice replied.

He knew that voice. But it couldn't be...it must be the Rose with his Tenth self. The younger Rose would have no knowledge of the conversation. And there wasn't any other Rose around. He turned his head, finding her leaning against a nearby wall and watching him sadly.

"That's all?" he asked, down playing the rapid beating of his hearts at her very presence. "Not that I can really argue that point." 

She pushed away from the wall and came towards him. He furrowed his brow. Something wasn't right. She looked...beautiful for sure, but older. Not that that was a bad thing for her. It suited her actually. He watched her warily, trying to pinpoint a time line.

"That...and I may have said something about needing a Doctor." She smiled, coming to a stop in front of him. Bending over, she placed a kiss on his cheek. Warmth rushed through him, he felt lightheaded and dizzy. A small gasp forced its way from his throat. When she pulled back, her eyes were filled with a sadness he wasn't used to seeing. She brushed his hair back from his forehead, trailing her fingers down the side of his face, leaving trails of fire in her wake. "Chasing away the nightmares about death and the Time War proved to be easier than chasing away beaches and white walls."

He froze. "How do you know about that?"

"You'll see. Just remember, not everything ends. Not love. Not always."

"But--"

Her lips, soft and warm, covered his. He gripped the edge of the bench to keep from passing out. It was a gentle caress, over too soon. But he could feel every ounce of love she held for him pouring through the light contact. His hearts tangled together, his eyes wrenched shut almost painfully. He catalogued every miniscul detail about this moment, knowing he would return to it whenever it felt like the universe was crushing down on him.

"Shh, trust me," she whispered against his lips. She straightened up and backed away, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "See you later, Doctor."

He spun around, watching her walk around him and away. She turned to wave, a beaming smile on her face, then bounced the remaining distance to someone standing under an awning. It was a considerably older man, with wavy silver hair and fierce eyes. What was she doing with someone so _old_? As she took the man's hand, he smiled down at her with open adoration. There was only one person he could be.

Hope burst in the Doctor's chest, the first real hope he'd had in a long,long time.

"Not if I see you first," he said, straightening his bow tie.


End file.
